Smarty and Jared’s Thanksgiving Post o’ Fun – Part Two

What are we thankful for? I’m glad you asked!

Thanksgiving Day is upon us! Time to watch a parade and football, fill up on food, and navigate uncomfortable discussions at the dinner table! And because you might need a break from all of those things, Smarty and Jared have teamed up to write a few words about the Phillies and Thanksgiving.

If you haven’t already, take a look at part one from yesterday. And now, on with more Thanksgiving fun!

The Phillies as Thanksgiving Day parade balloons

In year’s past, I’ve discussed which Phillies would be the various foods on the Thanksgiving table. This year, for a change of pace, Jared will look at some of the balloons in the Thanksgiving Day parade and find a corresponding Phillie.

Bryce Harper: Goku

With apologies to noted Dragon Ball Z fan Carlos Estévez, Bryce Harper is the mighty leader of the Phillies and thus the closest match to Goku, leader of the Z Fighters. Like Goku, who traveled from the alien Planet Vegeta to Earth, Harper journeyed from a far-off realm (Washington D.C.) to join the Phillies. Like Goku, Harper is famous for mighty blasts that send ki energy/baseballs into the stratosphere. And just as Goku’s hair famously turned golden when he achieved the status of Super Saiyan, Harper once went for the pale blonde locks.

Will he follow in Goku’s footsteps and defeat a foe that mercilessly assimilates the talents of the world’s strongest (Majin Buu/the Los Angeles Dodgers)? Find out next time, on Dragon Ball P.

Garrett Stubbs: Pikachu

Pikachu, the Electric Mouse Pokémon, is small but absolutely bristling with electric energy and enthusiasm. So is Garrett “Chief Vibes Officer” Stubbs, whose Hype/Height ratio would be off the charts, if Statcast measured that particular metric.

Photo by TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP via Getty Images

Alec Bohm and Brandon Marsh: Red and Yellow M&Ms

Bohm and Marsh are inseparable buddies, just like Red and Yellow. Or at least, they ought to be. During the 2005 parade, the M&Ms balloon got caught by a gust of wind and escaped the control of its handlers, flying into a lamppost. With trade rumors swirling around Bohm like a storm-force gale, will history repeat itself?

Matt Strahm: Marshall, Paw Patrol

The term has largely fallen out of favor, but relievers used to be known as firemen. And so Strahm, more than proficient at putting out fires, makes a good match for Marshall, a firefighting canine from the world of Paw Patrol. And just as parents groan when they see yet another episode of Paw Patrol on TV, opposing hitters make a very similar sound when they see Strahm warming up.

Kyle Schwarber, Kung Fu Panda

Yes, the baseball world already has a Kung Fu Panda. But if Pablo Sandoval didn’t exist, Schwarber would be a worthy wielder of the nickname. He’s a cheerful fella who packs a serious punch, just like the titular character of the movie series.

Also, he sort of looks like Jack Black.

What are we thankful for?

I asked some of the writers at TGP what they were thankful for when it came to the Phillies. Here’s what they came up with:

Allie

I’m thankful for Caleb Cotham! He’s done an amazing job with the pitching staff and deserves his flowers. The Phillies had three starters receive Cy Young votes this year and sent five pitchers to the All-Star Game – both more than any other team. He specifically deserves some credit for the emergence of Cristopher Sanchez, Matt Strahm and Jeff Hoffman this year. If those three players alone aren’t as good, this team doesn’t win the division, and he played a huge role in that.

Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images

Anthony

I’m thankful for Edmundo Sosa’s 2024 season. He put together a 103 wRC+ and 1.9 fWAR in 90 games. As the season went on, he was Bryson Stott’s platoon partner and has showcased elite shortstop defense.

When Trea Turner hit the injured list in May, Sosa was the one who stepped up and offered the Phillies a superstar spark. He batted .306 with a .972 OPS while displaying elite defense night after night. The Phillies do not celebrate their world series title in May without Sosa’s contributions.

Joe

I’m thankful for the random pop-up Phillies authentics sale at a game I went to this year so I could get a Roman Quinn autographed bat and Aaron Altherr autographed ball for a total of $30

David C.

One thing I’m thankful for about the Phillies these days? That they act like a big market team. For too many years, they didn’t. But it’s so nice to see them spend money and use the leverage they have. It would be nicer if it resulted in World Series rings, but for now I’ll be thankful that I know they’re going to be competitive every year, something for too many years of my fandom they haven’t been, usually because they were too cheap.

Brian

I am thankful that John Middleton has kept my ownership stake in the Phillies a secret. Something like that gets out and the pestering to buy the Angels or the A’s will never end.

I’d be remiss not to mention my unending appreciation for the personal advice imparted by Nick Castellanos during our first meeting. I asked him what advice he’d give an older guy like me to come off as cool and attract women. Nick said, “How’d you get in here? Jessica, call the police!” And I knew what he was saying – exhibit more confidence. And undo another button, show a little chest. You know what? After I got out of lockup, I took Nick’s advice, and I was the most popular guy at the bingo hall.

Perhaps what I’m most thankful for is being part of the most passionate fanbase in the sport. It sounds cliché at this point, but only because it’s true – Philadelphia has the greatest fans. And I’m lucky enough to cover the Phillies alongside an amazing team of talented writers.

Finally, I’m extremely grateful the Phillies yeeted Whit Merrifield. The team would have been better off had they dressed the corpse of John Gochnaur in pinstripes and propped his corpse up against the left field wall rather than keep Merrifield. The best thing the Phillies could have done to ensure the Braves never saw the post season was to send him to Atlanta to shack up with Blooper.

Photo by Tim Nwachukwu/Getty Images

Ethan

I’m thankful for the Phillies no longer continuing their miserly ways of the late 80s/early 90s. It’s refreshing for those that grew up in that era to see free agents that will cost a hefty amount actually consider the Phillies an option rather than the team being considered the baseball equivalent to Ebenezer Scrooge. It’s nice to see the Juan Sotos and Bryce Harpers and others of the world and think, yeah, the Phillies can afford him.

Smarty

I’m thankful that the Phillies are currently in one of their good eras that don’t seem to come around as often as they should. Think back to most of the 90’s or the stretch from 2012-2018. I’ll take division championships and playoff failures over that every time. The Phillies have a good team and an owner who seems willing to spend to make it even better.

In conclusion

Here’s hoping that no matter how your Thanksgiving Day is spent, you are able to make it a good one. And to help make your day just a little bit brighter, here are some highlights from the 2024 season. Enjoy!